Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers

At any given moment, AB/DLs can be divided into two groups, based on their interests and fantasies. The line dividing between these groups can be as narrow as differences between a nurturing pat from a heated fondle. At a particular time, some AB/DLs will want to cuddle with mommy, assuming the role of the baby. Others will want a sexual encounter with their spouse, retaining the role of grown-up lover. This division generally affects three things: 1) the focus, 2) the roles played in fantasy or in scenes with an ideal partner, and 3) the level of sexuality in AB/DL play.

Diaper fetishes are the easiest to describe. They are a fetish, a sexual attraction to diapers or other infantile objects. In it, the diapers themselves serve as a sexual focus. Someone with a diaper fetish is commonly called a Diaper Lover. Diapers lovers might also include those who have a rubber fetish or plastic fetish, who might skip the diapers and focus on the rubber or plastic waterproof pants. The diaper lover's idealized partner would be an erotic lover. If their actual partner is willing, diapers might be incorporated into their sexual relationship. The DL might prefer to wear the diaper, to have his partner wear the diaper, or for both to wear diapers. The presence of diapers may lend itself to roleplay such as doctor-patient or nurse-patient, however, diaper fetishes don't inherently involve roleplay.

Paraphilic infantilism is not as easy to describe. (It is often called infantilism, for short.) Infantilism is not a fetish. Fetishes focus on a sexually charged object. Infantilism focuses on the self-image of the adult baby. The adult baby has an alternate self-image of a baby. This is similar to a transvestite, except that instead of engaging a female alter-ego every now and then, infantilists engage an infantile alter-ego. Adult Babies cannot physically become infants, but try to simulate infancy. This may include the use of adult-sized diapers and baby clothing, toys, baby oils and powders, etc. An adult baby will generally desire to play the role of an infant or toddler. If his partner is willing, she will play the mommy (or he will play the daddy). When roleplaying, the adult baby would try to achieve a baby-like mood or mindset. As a result, sex during roleplay would seem incestuous. The adult baby and partner may have an ordinary sexual relationship at other times, but not while engaged in infantilistic play. As would be expected, the baby wears the diapers.

Unlike those with a diaper fetish, infantilists are generally masochistic. Masochism is a desire be deprived of status, comfort, or control. Individual infantilists will fall into one of three sets, based on how their masochism is expressed. The first set is simply infantile. Assuming the role of baby inherently involves surrendering control. In some cases, this may be stretched into an early childhood role to include spanking or scolding. The second set has a conventional masochism that they practice when they aren't engaged in baby play. They might be in diapers one evening, and in leather or chains the next evening. The third set integrates conventional masochism into infantilism in a single scene. This might involve mixing baby items with bondage and discipline that would be abusive if used on a real baby. The hard restraints bring a tangible sense of powerlessness but tend to corrupt any sense of nurturing. Because of this, the practices of the third set are incompatible with the other two sets of adult babies.

While the division between adult baby and diaper lover fantasies is clear at a particular moment, individual AB/DLs might engage in both. They can only engage in one or the other at any given time. Many AB/DLs describe themselves as "mostly AB" or "mostly DL", based on which they engage in more.